Es geht doch nichts über ein gepflegtes „Fuck you“

Jezebel zelebrierte die Annehmlichkeiten wenig vornehmer und teils ausufernder Schimpftiraden im Rahmen einer „Fuck you“-Week, einer Woche „of desperate emotional cleansing and unhinged psychic purging“. Schon das Lesen mancher Beiträge wirkt katharsisch. Darum hier ein kleines Best-of.

Auszüge aus …

… Fuck you, Other People’s Kids: „Seriously, though, other people’s kids are the worst. I actually thought that once I had a child, I’d start to like all children. But the opposite has been true—I like other children a lot less now. Experience as a parent has given me some real perspective on the matter. Asshole children didn’t get that way despite the best efforts of doting parents. They’re assholes because they’re born of assholes who never correct asshole behavior because they don’t even recognize how asshole-y it is.“

… Fuck you, Slow Walkers: „I cannot stand: dawdlers, slow-pokes, tourists, people who walk and then stop in the middle of the sidewalk, laggards, dilly-dalliers, iPhone-consulters, people who stand in such a way that they take up the whole width of the escalator, and absolutely anyone who is walking more slowly than I am towards the subway turnstile. People who do these things two abreast I hate doubly.“

… Fuck you, Breastfeeding: „Formula is for anyone who fucking wants it. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are. Maybe they’re in pain, maybe they’re tired, maybe they think nursing bras are ugly, maybe they want to do drugs—it doesn’t fucking matter. It’s none of your business. Her body, her choice. Mind your own tits.“

… Fuck you, People who don’t understand how to have a good conversation: „You know them. They do not ask you about you. Ever. They just talk about themselves the entire time and then move on to the next victim. (…) OK, I do blame social media in part, but mainly for the complacency it breeds in people thinking they’ve interacted meaningfully by eloquently firing off one-sided status updates and lying back to be thumbs upped. FYI: Getting the shit thumbs-upped out of you 24/7 is what your parents are for, and your surrogate virtual parents, Facebook.“

… Fuck you, Men’s Rights Activists: „Fuck you for showing up every time women speak, especially about rape and abuse, and trying to make it all about you. Fuck you for derailing threads about the victimsof Marc Lépine, a man who screamed about his hatred for feminists as he murdered fourteen women and injured many others, because you also hate feminists and want a fucking cookie for not killing anyone. Fuck you for making rape and death threats against young women who dared to protest a speaking engagement by a man who thinks little girls would enjoy being raped by their fathers if it weren’t for society telling them it’s dirty.“

… Fuck you, Guns: „Fuck you, NRA. You guys are fucking murderers.“

… Fuck you, Unsolicited Advice: „It’s shitty to assume that you know better than someone else who is fully functioning and it’s even worse to assume that you’ve earned the right to set them straight. The only time I want a bunch of people sitting around and telling me how they know better is if I’m being intervened on an episode of Intervention.“

… Fuck you, Menstruation: „I don’t want women to complain about periods so that men think they’re the weaker, more complainy sex. I want women to complain about periods because it’s fucking normal to mention it if you feel like someone’s sucked out your life essence with a tube like a Skeksis from a Gelfling. If your uterus is fucking erupting lava into your pants, you have the right to mention that shit. So that then you can move the fuck on. It fucking sucks, you can fucking say so and then fucking get back to business. FUCKING MENSTRUATION, FUCK.“

… Fuck you, Rape Culture: „FUCK YOU, rapists, rape apologists, and all you politicians, comedians, advertisers, lawyers, and internet commenters who think it’s soooo hard to take the time to make sure someone actually wants to do the sex with you. Fuck you guys. Fuck all of you. Consensually, that is.“


[Bild via legovogel.de (c) www.someecards.com]

Dem ist eigentlich nichts hinzuzufügen …. obwohl, das noch:

Fuck you, Wiener Winter.

Fuck you, langsamer U-Bahn-Aufzug, der jeden zweiten Tag außer Betrieb ist.

Fuck you, männlich dominierte Wehrpflichtdebatte.

Fuck you, Erkältung, die du dir stets das schwächste Opfer aussuchst.

Fuck you, österreichisches Asylwesen.

Fuck you, Hoffnung machender und dann doch nur enttäuschender Krimi-Zweiteiler.

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